![]() And B, how in general homicide detectives or cold case investigators handle it? Paul Holes: You really have to examine sometimes horrific scenes, and I’m always wondering, A, how you handle it. As a news reporter, I’ve seen a lot of things that my kids have never seen, my friends have never, my family’s never seen, but I think you take it even a step further. How common is this for detectives, cold case investigators in your line of work? Because in your new book, Unmasked, you really talk about what that’s like to arrive on a crime scene and process it, and how you’re dealing with things that most of us never deal with. And there was times when I’m breaking down in front of her, and she basically told me, you’ve been stuffing this inside without getting help all along. And so I started talking to her about various aspects in my career, including some of the cases and some of the experience that I had that I wrote in the book. And she was very good because she, of course, was dealing with the soldiers and special forces guys, but had the experience to recognize trauma. And my wife through her resources at the PD had got the name of this therapist who some of the officers had, had to go see. I live in Colorado Springs, and Colorado Springs is a huge military town. Well, I ended up going into a therapist out here. What kind of help did you seek? Paul Holes: The next morning, I wake up and I literally have tears streaming down my face going, what? And I was just like, what is going on? And that’s when I ultimately decided, yeah, I need to seek some help. And I could tell, this wasn’t her choice to be here. ![]() And I literally saw the sultry face turn into the little girl that she was. And she grabbed the money and I told her, take care of yourself. And I went up to the stage and she did her little sultry crawl over to me thinking I was just this perverted old man wanting to get her close. And that’s when I just, I ended up, which I normally don’t have, I had a hundred dollar bill and I just wrapped it in a one. And one of the girls was so young, and all I’m seeing is her lying in a ditch on the side of the road, because she came across a predator. And I was just going, I can’t handle this. And I’m… You see everybody and it’s a typical club where you have both men and women in the audience and they’re throwing $1 bills up on stage.Īnd then these women would get down on all fours to scoop up the $1 bills. And I really bonded with her family, related to the brother, and just the emotional impact hit me unusually so, and I think it was exacerbated by the alcohol, and this is where how, I didn’t choose to go to this Jumbo’s place, but when I was looking at, they have pole dancers at this place. And for whatever reason, this one case out in Fort Worth, Texas, 17 year old, Carla Walker, really hit me hard. Elizabeth Vargas:Īnd the, starting to work on the TV side, I was doing a series of unsolved cases working directly with law enforcement and talking to family members. I had gotten the media notoriety because I was involved in helping solve this Golden State Killer case. This is actually, after my entire career, I had retired. Well, I didn’t know what was going on to me psychologically. ![]() I order another drink and swig it, trying to forget about the latest case I can’t shake.” Yeah. Yes, it’s a real place entirely red inside, red walls, red floors, red bar, red lights. So I end up in a place like this, a bar on Hollywood Boulevard called Jumbo’s Clown Room. ![]() My sheets are soaking wet when I wake up from nightmares of decaying corpses, the dam is breaking, I’m cratering fast. I don’t even know how I got here, to this place, to this point, something is happening to me lately. “December, 2019, I order another bourbon neat, this is the drink that will flip the switch. It’s an amazing read on many, many different levels, but I wanted to start by reading to you how you start the book in the prologue. It’s so nice for you to have me, Elizabeth. It’s so great to have you and congratulations on cracking the New York Times best seller list. Paul Holes, welcome to Heart of the Matter.
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